We need to understand what we hold as truth and reality, and how our diversity characteristics influence our world view, argues Nadia Nagamootoo in the latest in this column on diversity and inclusion issues. 

 

Why do we decide to become coaches?  There are, no doubt, many different responses to this question, but, typically, coaches get a sense of reward from helping someone become ‘unstuck’, supporting them to get to a more positive place and achieve a transformational outcome that offers value to their life.  

The coaching relationship is beautifully symbiotic – the client often doesn’t start with clarity on their goals, they just know that they don’t want to be where they are now.  Indeed, often they are so lost in their story that they just can’t imagine a way through at all. Naturally, one of the coach’s roles is to ask questions in a way that guides the client to experience breakthrough moments.

Key for all coaches to remember is that the questions we choose to ask are generated and filtered through our own identities, history, values and the lens we see the world. As much as we practise actively listening to our clients and noticing what their story activates in us, our diversity characteristics and the truths we carry will inevitably find their way into the coaching relationship and outcomes.

 

So, what do you do?

It’s worth noting that there isn’t anything wrong with this – in fact, one of the reasons you offer such value to your clients is because of your different lens of the world. However, it is also important to take the time to reflect on how your experiences, values, cultural heritage and identities guide your questions, and how they shape your view of your client. 

As coaches, we try to practise a ‘judgement-free’ approach, yet it’s human nature to continually make assessments and value judgements about the people and world around us.

For example, a client turns down a promotion opportunity and the coach explores with questions to understand their drive, career ambition and level of self-belief. The client is a woman of Indian heritage and has made this decision based on her partner’s busy work schedule and their collective ability to create a stable home environment for their children.

As part of your self-reflective practice, ask:

• Am I interpreting this through my own lens of what’s ‘normal’ or ‘right’?
• How does turning down a promotion opportunity sit with my values and what I was taught as important in life?

 

Practise holding multiple truths

We hold our truths close to us, understandably – they guide every decision we make and how we live our lives. They also influence who we get along with easily and who we find it harder to connect with. In his Cultural Orientations Framework (COF), Philippe Rosinski (2003) offers 17 dimensions in which people can have different cultural leanings. 

For example, someone may hold a truth that ‘time is scarce’ and live their life rushing around trying to cram in as much as they can in the limited time they have. Someone else’s truth might be that ‘time is plentiful’, slowing down to enjoy the views and life’s natural rhythms.  

Or a coach believes that time needs to be efficiently managed and the client values being in the present moment and enjoys the natural evolution of a conversation to see what happens over time. 

They start by offering their story, going back through the years, considering personal, relational and spiritual themes. The coach actively listens but finds it hard to silence their inner voice and growing anxiety that this coaching session is already halfway through and isn’t going anywhere. In an attempt to close it down on a clear point or goal, the coach asks questions around what their story means for their future aspirations. However, as they value space and depth, the client feels rushed in their thought process. 

During your coaching supervision or ongoing self-development, it is worth dedicating time to working through a model like Rosinski’s aforementioned COF. This is broader than other frameworks such as those of Geert Hofstede (2010) or Erin Meyer (2014), where culture is defined more about nationality. What do you value? What are the rules you live by? How much ability do you currently have to apply a different lens? For example, as a working parent with children, I’m very much a ‘time is scarce’ person during term time. However, I can absolutely switch to a ‘time is plentiful’ person when on holiday, although it may take me a day or two to switch gears.

 

Notice your discomfort

When we’re wedded to a truth, it can feel deeply uncomfortable to coach someone who continuously demonstrates a counter-truth. To minimise our personal discomfort, we may inadvertently guide the client to a position that’s more aligned with ours. However, this binary way of thinking has been socially constructed – we’ve been shaped to believe there’s a clear right and wrong. What would happen if we explored the grey area between the extremes of black and white? There’s a lot to be said for exploring being in this uncomfortable, complex space where many realities can exist.

For example, you might say: 

• In my experience, speaking up feels empowering. For you, I am hearing that silence feels respectful. Both can be valid ways of showing leadership
• I notice that I might see this differently. Would you like me to share, and then we can explore both viewpoints together?

It’s quite possible that the client may also hold a binary perspective on their truth, which may not be serving them in their relationships with others or in achieving the coaching outcomes they’re seeking. People who rigidly hold onto their viewpoints are less likely to be curious of other possibilities and therefore may not be as inclusive of those who are different. As part of the coaching, you may find yourself encouraging the client into the uncomfortable ‘grey’: I hear that’s your perspective. Can we explore how someone else might experience that language or action?

 

Coach with cultural humility

I’m not saying is that you should let go of your own cultural lens when you coach. Rather, this is about doing the deep work on self so you’re aware of how your identity, background and values shape what you believe is important, right and true. It involves a curious self-inquiry about how this influences the conclusions you draw about your client’s story and how it informs your coaching practice. The ongoing work is to recognise, in the moment, how your cultural lens is guiding you, and to create the conditions within your coaching relationship to explore, with humility, what is important and true for your client – knowing that both realities can simultaneously exist.

 

References

• Hofstede, G., Hofstede, G. J., & Minkov, M. (2010). Cultures and organizations: Software of the mind. Intercultural cooperation and its importance for survival (3rd ed.). McGraw-Hill.
• Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map: Breaking through the invisible boAundaries of global business. PublicAffairs.
• Rosinski, P.  (2003). Coaching across cultures: New tools for leveraging national, corporate and professional differences. Nicholas Brealey Publishing.

 

• Nadia Nagamootoo  is the founder and CEO of Avenir, a diversity, equity and inclusion consultancy.  She’s a multi-award winning chartered psychologist, MBA and an accredited coach with 20 years’ experience in the field of organisational development, culture change and leadership development. She’s interviewed prominent DEI thought leaders on her podcast, Why Care? And is the author of bestselling book, Beyond Discomfort: Why Inclusive Leadership is so Hard (and what you can do about it).