search
Subscribe/Renew

REFLECTIONS: THE WEDGE OF POLARISATION

by | Feb 21, 2024 | Articles, Opinion, Reflections

Jane Brendgen reflects on a range of topical coaching matters.
This issue: the Middle East – our assumptions, biases and beliefs

 

 

The tumultuous geopolitical events that are unfolding in the Middle East at this time of writing are activating primal emotions for most of us. It’s like a cauldron of reactivity on a hot fire. I’ve been confronted with more subtle layers of unintegrated psychic material related to values, boundaries, speaking my truth, safety and belonging. These are some of the central themes in my coaching practice. 

One of the disturbing psychosocial effects that I’m seeing reflected in the media and social networking sites is the power of smouldering assumptions, biases and beliefs. They deepen social rifts, fragment our communities and drive the wedge of polarisation deeper into our hearts and minds. We’re witnessing the spectrum of perspectives widen as the poles drift further and further apart.  

 

Building bridges

Simon Western, a leading academic in coaching and leadership posted an emboldened short reflective essay on LinkedIn entitled: “What canst thou say? Israel and Palestine” (Western, November 2023). In this touching article he invites us as ordinary citizens to consider what our moral duty is to support society from splitting into fragments and sides? How can we contribute to building bridges across the chasms in our communities?

I wrote an additional article in this series of reflective pieces, which was published immediately on the Coaching at Work website given the topical nature of its content
(https://www.coaching-at-work.com/2023/11/14/reflections-column-november-2023-the-middle-east/) 

Here I offered a reflection on my process of making meaning of this monumental human tragedy, where thousands of lives are being sacrificed to the ravages of war. I concluded with offering three questions for reflection, two of which are resonating for me now: 

  • What might we do as coaches to take more of an active role in contributing to systemic change, reducing polarisation and hate in the world? 
  • How can we actively cultivate love, in our relationships to ourselves, our clients, others in our life and the world around us? 

 

Heads or hearts?

I am one of four members in a coach supervision group hosted by Ian Mitchell from Harthill Consulting. Last week I brought the topic of the Middle East conflict to our space for inquiry. Our dialogue was the deepest of our six meetings and the places we went to were tender, moving and profound. Many tears were shed as our hearts resonated with each other’s pain and the pain of our fellow human beings. 

One of the threads we explored was what does it mean to hold an integrated view or perspective? The idea of a Venn diagram with overlapping circles was offered where integration is the place of intersection of all three. 

The next idea that emerged was seeing this point of commonality as the heart of things, where the wisdom of the heart lies. In this generative space of collective intelligence, a powerful question arose: what is it that informs our meaning making? 

A beloved friend came to mind who I see as having become ensnared in conspiracy theories, vehemently holding onto a view of the Middle East catastrophe which seemed to me detached from reality. A gestalt emerged where I recognised a multitude of interconnecting systemic causes and conditions that had shaped the lens through which he saw the world. I cried with compassion for his suffering and the need to understand his perspective fell away. The particulars no longer mattered. What mattered was love.

One of the books I’m currently reading is Leader as Healer: A new paradigm for 21st century leadership (2022). Nicholas Janni’s thesis is founded on the recognition of the primacy of the rational, strategic mind in leadership today where there’s a disconnect from our emotional and physical selves. 

This brings to mind Einstein’s quote: “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift” (Einstein, accessed November, 2023). Janni advocates for a new kind of ‘whole person’ leadership where the cognitive capacities of rationality, discernment and strategic thinking are married to intuition, wisdom, compassion, embodied connected presence and empathic listening, creating one integrated vibrant coherent whole. 

As coaches, where are we coaching predominately from – our heads or our hearts? I came across a beautiful quote on The Centre for Transformational Coaching’s site (accessed November 2023) that resonated deeply: “Instead of focusing on being a ‘thinking partner,’ focus on becoming a ‘spiritual partner’. Be a loving presence in which others can find rest and connect in that same place within themselves.” 

As a loving open presence, we’re bringing our cognitive, emotional and embodied physical selves to our coaching. We’re coaching more from the heart and less from the head. We’re responding to ourselves and our clients from an integrated foundation: ‘I’m here and I’m available’(Janni, 2022) and our clients will feel felt.

In his work on interpersonal neurobiology, Daniel Siegel, uses the concept of ‘feeling felt’ to describe the ability of one person to empathically and authentically encounter another person (Penman, 2014). Schore refers to this quality of contact as the archetypal mother-baby right-brain to right-brain non-verbal resonance (Schore, n.d.). Welwood describes the impact of loving presence: “Another’s openness inspires the window of your heart to open and then love becomes available as your own inner experience” (2007). 

 

Inviting love

One way we can work on cultivating a whole person approach to our coaching is through the practice of relational mindfulness. The core capacity is embodied receptive presence, where we’re connected internally to our bodies and our hearts and at the same time we’re connected externally to our clients. Emma Donaldson-Feilder is a leader in the field of relational mindfulness for coaches. She’s currently writing a book with Liz Hall on this topic (Routledge, in press.) 

Our most fundamental need as human beings is to be loved, to feel that we matter. Is it not incumbent on us as coaches to be activists for love, understanding, compassion and kindness, to create a quiet revolution for change in the world?

I’d like to close with a question, with thanks to Ian Mitchell. Who might love be inviting you to be in your dialogues with the people in your life?  

 

References

 

  • Jane Brendgen is founder of Compassionate Cultures. She is an executive coach specialising in authentic leadership, adult development and therapeutic coaching. She is a mindfulness supervisor.