When clients feel deep trust in the coaching relationship, they may access inner worlds, stretching the boundaries of what was previously possible
Experience of the magic that can emerge when I have high trust in my coach, a story of betrayed trust, and Mark McMordie’s feature, ‘Be safe, be free’ in the July/August issue of Coaching at Work, have drawn my attention to the role of safety in the coaching relationship.
When a client trusts their coach they can feel safe enough to engage with their own inner world and to deepen or broaden the coaching encounter accordingly. This matters because, as coaches, we actually know very little about our clients’ lives other than what we can learn, sense or intuit in the interaction or through profiling or formal feedback.
In my experience, the richness of dialogue and data enabled by deep trust can empower the client to both face difficult or energising truths, and stretch the boundaries of what they’d previously thought possible.
The question of safety has also arisen for me in the context of one organisation endeavouring to raise levels of confidence during culture change: the intention was for the culture to move from micro-management and risk aversion to innovation and empowerment. It became clear to me that confidence in this context could only rise if the culture changed – but not beforehand. There needed to be enough trust in the system for it to be an enabler of culture change.
This can be paralleled in the coaching relationship: at the launch of a coaching programme the client may be wary of what coaching may demand of them. Equally, the client needs to feel intrinsically safe enough to surface thoughts they may have managed themselves (albeit unconsciously) into avoiding because those thoughts feel risky: they may be struggling to empower themselves to step beyond habitual boundaries.
When I think about what I may do to create more safety in the coaching interaction, it’s much more about my being than my doing. I contract in writing with the client about the nature of our working relationship – and when I bring focus to being mindful, compassionate, systemically orientated and curious (even more than to understanding what the client is saying, and especially more than trying to ‘get it right’) something else often happens: the client reveals something of their carefully protected inner life – and the coaching experience is deepened.
Mindful means I’m deeply present and accepting (see McMordie’s article), but I make no judgement. Compassionate means I’m connecting at the most human level and totally accepting the client. Being systemically orientated means I’m acknowledging the client’s relationships (of all kinds) in their context. Curious means I convey my deep and authentic interest. Trust is about trusting yourself as well as about the relationship between coach and coaching client.
KEY REFLECTIONS
- lWhen a client trusts their coach they can feel safe enough to engage with their own inner world
- This matters because, as coaches, we know very little about our clients’ lives
- The richness of both dialogue and data enabled by deep trust can enable the client to face difficult and energising truths
- The client needs to feel safe enough to surface thoughts they may have managed themselves into avoiding
- When I bring focus to being mindful, compassionate, systemically orientated and curious, the client may reveal their carefully protected inner life
- Lindsay Wittenberg is director of Lindsay Wittenberg Ltd. She is an executive coach who specialises in authentic leadership, career development and cross-cultural coaching
- www.lindsaywittenberg.co.uk