How do you coach a senior leader inhibited by fear of failure? Working systemically and mindfully will help access resources for you and your client
By Lindsay Wittenberg
I’m working with a number of clients – all in different organisations – who are frightened. And when I look back over previous clients I realise that some of them have been frightened too.
All are senior leaders. They’re frightened of not living up to expectations, the criticism that this will bring, and the possible consequences (failure to get a promotion, failure to land a job, failure to keep a job).
They’re frightened of not having the skills they need if they’re to be up to their roles, and again of the possible consequences. They’re frightened of getting to retirement and knowing they could have made more of their careers. They’re frightened of being judged for the values they hold. They’re frightened of not being able to meet the high (sometimes unrealistically high) standards of performance and responsibility they’ve imposed on themselves.
They’re frightened that the psychological damage inflicted by the past will leak out and show itself in inappropriate ways. They’re frightened of not being acceptable.
It seems to me that all of them are dancing with not only the possibility of negative practical outcomes, including sometimes threats to their livelihoods themselves, but also simultaneously with the possibility of shame provoked by the judgment of others. And in one respect or another they don’t trust their environments.
The fear is very real. It inhibits them from innovating when there’s a business need to do things differently. It inhibits them from claiming, stepping into and living their own leadership and authority – so they feel unable to say what’s true even when it’s urgent that reality is faced in order to drive a strategy or an organisation forward. It explains stress that manifests in emotional fragility, sleeping problems, exhaustion, a feeling of powerlessness, inability to carry actions through – and countless other symptoms.
Working systemically has resourced my coaching in these situations, in particular looking with the client at the reverberations of their unconscious loyalties within the various systems they belong to (the effects of a rigid, judgmental and punitive school experience, or the expectations of a parent feature frequently) and the place they occupy in their work systems in relation to other individuals, issues and The Thing We Don’t Talk About Here.
Working mindfully also resources both the client and me: being present to what is, and being aware of what may change or occupy a different perspective simply by being present to it.
As I sit in the coaching seat I’m resourced by being aware and mindful of – and managing – my own parallel fears in the moment: resonances with my own historical fears, fears of not being good enough, fears about my relationship with an uncertain political and business environment….
Accessing what I know about my own courage is also nourishing – and in particular the memories of times when I’ve been brave, and the consequences of that (which have invariably been enriching and useful – and full of learning). I know from neuroscience that my sense of being capable, resilient, courageous and connected will resonate unconsciously for the client.
The client and their systems, and I and my systems are all in the coaching together.
We live in a scary world, and the more I engage at a deep level with my own courage, connectedness and resources, the less frightening life may be for the client.
- Lindsay Wittenberg is director of Lindsay Wittenberg Ltd. She is an executive coach who specialises in authentic leadership, career development and cross-cultural coaching
- www.lindsaywittenberg.co.uk