COACHING CRITICAL MOMENTS
How should coaches deal with turning points in coaching sessions? Erik de Haan looks at the benefits that experience brings to the table
In the intimacy of the coaching conversation, both coach and client live many a critical moment and it is precisely during these moments that experienced coaches are most effective, according to the raw data of our latest research.
Following on from our study of 56 critical moments of less experienced coaches (see “Magic moments”, Coaching at Work, vol 1, issue 7), we have looked at 78 critical moments of 47 coaches with more than eight years’ experience, showing how they use the tensions that occur to deepen their relationships with clients and facilitate change.
Change that occurs through coaching is usually investigated via outcome studies that try to determine the degree of effectiveness and the conditions under which greater effectiveness can be achieved. However, this alone does not give an insight into the factors behind coaching results or the complexities of the process.
This study therefore looks at the personal side of coaching and focuses on critical moments: “turning points” and “dilemmas” as perceived by the coaches themselves.
The coaching journey
Coaches were asked to describe briefly one critical (exciting, tense or significant) moment with a client and to think about what was critical in the coaching journey, or a moment when they did not quite know what to do.
Experienced coaches seem to have much fewer doubts than coaches who are starting out. They approach their field of work with more confidence, usually with the attitude: “I struggle and emerge.” They are aware that they will have to monitor a lot of things closely if they are to achieve a genuine coaching conversation, and that they will have to keep connecting and deepening.
More generally, they see coaching as something that has to be earned and protected.
Coaching is therefore a constant struggle, but one that can be faced with con. fidence, as it usually ends in some positive benefits for the client, and hence also for the coach. The struggle begins at the start of the relationship and continues during the conversations, when the coach may embark upon a “risky” intervention – for example, when:
- directing or otherwise influencing the process and the method of working;
- extending the conversation to similar experiences of the client;
- making connections with the same behaviours displayed elsewhere by the client (transference);
- identifying or making use of counter-transference.
Our research indicates that positive changes occur through coaching mainly when:
- there is enough trust to rely on intuition;
- the intuition results in fresh observations;
- the coach is able to put things into perspective;
- the coach has the courage to reflect observations back in such a way that the client can “hear” them.
These four steps are explored below, using quotes from experienced coaches in the study.
Less experienced coaches:
- have more doubts during coaching, particularly about their own suitability
- critical moments are more often “ego-documents”
Learning points
Experienced coaches:
- have more self-con. fidence, with only major dramas defined as true critical moments
- critical moments are often a case of “demonstrating accountability”
- are more likely to mention forms of subtle transference spotted during the coaching, such as flattery, competitiveness or “working hard” for the coach
1. The struggle to stay fresh and receptive
“I have a belief that things will work through to a positive conclusion, which helps me if I’m feeling a bit stuck or unsure”
Developing and using their own intuition is an important theme for experienced coaches. Participants in this study often associate intuition with trust. I believe that, for experienced coaches, trust primarily means staying fresh and receptive, with the same keen anticipation and relatively naive outlook they had when they started their coaching career.
2. The struggle to retain and increase the ability to keep perspective
“Surpassing my own frame of thinking and ability to put things into perspective”
Tensions can permeate the coaching conversation in many ways, from material contributed by the client, the client’s presentation or the moment itself, to the “memories and desires” of the coach. One problem with this study is that it only provides evidence of the tensions of which coaches were aware, not of those that went unrecorded.
In my view, external tensions (stemming from the client’s material and presentation) obstruct the coach only if they give rise to internal tensions. It is therefore vital for the coach to learn how to handle his or her own internal tensions – to acknowledge them and allow them to exist.
3. The struggle to contribute “containment” to the relationship
“You set the tone, you lay down your key conditions in a non-negotiable way: you can get off to a flying start or you can pack up and clear off”
Many participants identify managing the boundaries, the ongoing psychological contract of the coaching relationship, and tensions arising when these are tested. I believe the term containment1 is a good summary of what is needed for a confident working alliance.
Participants describe, on the one hand, the need to invite, to remain sympathetic and to give warm support, and on the other hand the need to define a stable context, to have firm boundaries and to persevere with their frankness.
This is the dual meaning of containment: setting boundaries but, within them, creating space for development and change.
4. The struggle to contribute the coach’s own observations
“Touching a chord that makes the client open up rather than clam up”
Observing and noticing does not seem to be the hardest part: expressing observations appears to be much more difficult for experienced coaches. A professional coach does not shy away from creating critical moments, and tries to bring implicit tensions to light.
Carlberg 2 defines “turning point moments” as those when the therapist notes something qualitatively new in the client’s behaviour or the relationship between therapist and client. He identifies two common threads: that experienced therapists appear to relate turning points to unpredictable and unusual incidents in an otherwise fairly predictable therapeutic relationship, and that they experience a deeper “emotional meeting” at these moments.
‘I struggle and emerge’
There remains much to discover about change through coaching in the moment. It would seem that the quality of coaches is determined by their ability to tolerate tension and to tackle the ongoing struggle with new tensions.
The coach experiences a significant turning point moment when they shift their attention from the many struggles that occupy them during the coaching, to the struggle itself: the starting point and raison d’être of their own professional activity.
References
1. WR Bion, Elements of Psychoanalysis, London, William Heinemann, 1963.
2. G Carlberg, “Laughter opens the door: turning points in child psychotherapy”, Journal of Child Psychotherapy, 23:3, pages 331-49, 1997.
See also: E de Haan, “I struggle and emerge: critical moments of experienced coaches”, Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, in press
About the author
Erik de Haan is director of Ashridge’s Centre for Coaching and an executive coach, supervisor and accreditor of coaches. He specialises in the interpersonal and emotional aspects of working in groups and organisation erik.dehaan@ashridge.org.uk