What you’re saying online
We have nearly 13,000 Coaching at Work LinkedIn members worldwide. Discussions are going on around a vast array of topics, including: bullying, neuroscience, chaos, the new Alliance, (see pages 7 and 11-13), and lots of sharing of advice, for example, on venues and creating a coaching culture…and even job opportunities. One thread, posted by editor Liz Hall after hearing Brené Brown speak about shame and vulnerability at the International Coach Federation (see news, p10, vol 6, issue 7), hit a nerve – and led to some interesting responses…
Should we address shame in our coaching sessions?
Kevin Holian (US) “That is a disgrace; coaches need to promote learning; this judgmental mindset is cancerous”
Christopher Killan (UK) “Well, I really don’t agree with the ‘this is a disgrace’ stuff. I help people…turn their lives around. It always involves the feelings behind the actions, and these are always guilt, shame, fear, dread, paranoia, etc. Lighten up. If you’re helping, you’re helping. Please… what a load of twoddle”
Sylvie Racine (Canada) “Where there is a need for support and guidance, there is shame and guilt to wash away”
Lynne Spencer (UK) “I see no reason why any feelings of shame should not be surfaced, with trust, in a coaching session, as long as they are handled sensitively and non-judgmentally”
Shmaya David (Israel) “Shame is a possible reaction when a person measures himself against some standard, and finds himself lacking. As such, it can come up in any coaching session”
George Sykopetrites (Cyprus) “There should be no taboo emotions in a coaching conversation. So why should shame be an exception?”
Rosemary Napper (UK) “Culture has an impact. In…Singapore and Japan there are very different triggers for shame”
James Scouller (UK), author of The Three Levels of Leadership
“Any coaching that’s aimed at helping an executive client make a major difference to their leadership presence and ability to connect with and influence people, will almost certainly have to tackle the person’s unrecognised shame…. The trouble is, many people in organisational life don’t understand shame…. To me, shame is the overarching label we give to the basket of unconscious (but powerful) negative emotions that stem from a negative sense of identity”
Coaching at work, volume 8, issue 1