Meeting Four
The coach – Elaine Robinson, senior lecturer, HRM, Nottingham Business School, Nottingham Trent University
This was our fourth and final session. By this time Rebecca had set herself two main Smart objectives.
One of her goals was to practise carrying out some coaching by herself on a friend. Unfortunately, she had been thwarted in her efforts to make the arrangements so she was in a rather frustrated mood.
However, we quickly settled down back into the session and I asked her the following questions about the main goal relating to her future education plans:
- What did she want to do?
- Where was she going to do it?
- How was it going to be funded?
- What was the relevance to her role?
Rebecca was enthusiastic about the creative side of her role – both the research and creativity that is required in design, so we explored this with some more questions:
- What are you going to design next?
- Who is your target audience?
- What are you most looking forward to?
We discussed the importance of language in coaching and the need to present statements in the affirmative – and sometimes even in the present tense – to make the goals bold and confident. We also revisited NLP notions of reframing obstacles in order to get “unstuck”.
We concluded this fourth session with my request that Rebecca write a letter to herself with information about her goal. I asked her to give me the letter in a sealed envelope and I promised to post it to her in one year’s time. I have stored the envelope safely, ready for posting.
We both left on a high and agreed on a shared goal – to have our coaching diary published in a reputable journal.
This was something positive we could work towards together so that we could continue our relationship. The idea left us feeling buoyant.
Learning/key points
- Deal with the frustrations and accept them as par for the course.
- Keep asking the questions.
- Keep a bank of coaching questions.
- Check your coaching style while under supervision.
- Keep listening.
Key coaching questions
- On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate your current progress?
- What steps can you take to move that seven to a nine or 10?
- If there was one question I should have asked you, what would it be?
Reflections
At the start of the session, I felt sad, because I knew it would be the last day that I would be coaching Rebecca. I was moving on to a new role.
I had discussed how I felt with my coaching supervisor and we talked about this being one of the good reasons why contracting at the beginning was so important. We acknowledged that coaching must not lead to dependency.
I thought deeply about the questions I would ask Rebecca. I recognise that the power in questions is not in creating clever or complicated questions, but in getting to the heart of something with simple yet insightful and person-focused probing.
For example, I did not ask Rebecca any accusatory, hard “why?” questions. They could lead to Rebecca becoming defensive. Instead, the point was to become more effective by adding some detail and persisting with non-threatening and effective questions which could be just as challenging and more useful.
Indeed, we contracted in the need for support combined with challenge. In Relational Coaching: Journeys Towards Mastering One-To-One Learning, Erik de Haan provided a useful four-quadrant model which provides a window on the coach.
I have gained so much personally from coaching. However, my recent reading has illuminated the idea of putting the coaching relationship, from the perspective of the client, at the centre. It’s the same in my lecturing role, where the student is at the centre of the learning.
I acknowledge my personal journey from Erik de Haan’s articles: I Doubt, Therefore I Coach through to I Struggle and Emerge – and I delight in the endeavour.
I must remember to post Rebecca’s letter though!
The client – Rebecca Peat, staff development trainer, Centre for Professional Learning and Development, Nottingham Trent University
This session had two parts to it; initially we spoke about the sub-theme, which involved me learning about being a coach for my development. I had been practising on a friend who had agreed to give me feedback after each session. This was very useful for me.
My friend has a busy life, so it was sometimes difficult for them to stick to their coaching session appointments. I understood that I would need to be flexible to accommodate their hectic schedule yet I still needed to vent my frustration on Elaine about having to keep changing dates.
We also spoke about using psychometrics as a tool in coaching, from my perspective both as a client and as a coach, particularly as I had used psychometrics on my practice client.
Elaine then asked me about the research I had conducted on doing further study. We discussed the pros and cons of undertaking this. She asked me a lot of questions to help me explore the feasibility of taking it further in terms of cost, time, and so on.
We then concluded the coaching by reflecting on the four sessions and confirming the next steps for me. We agreed that this had been very interesting for us, being line manager and employee. We both thought it would also be of interest to other people. As a result, we set ourselves a joint objective to get our diary published in a reputable magazine! We agreed the next steps to take on this objective.
Lastly, we finished with me writing a letter to myself detailing the steps I would take to achieve my goals by the end of 2008.
This letter is held by Elaine who will send it to me at the end of 2008 as a form of review and, hopefully, I will pat myself on the back when I have achieved these goals!
Learning/key points
- The last session needs to include an activity/discussion to aid closure.
- “Final session” does not mean the end of the journey; it is now entirely up to the client to complete their actions.
- Reviewing all the sessions will highlight progress and help to keep the momentum going after the coaching sessions have come to an end.
Reflections
It has been rewarding for me to see the positive aspects of having time completely devoted to myself in this way. Now I want to gain the skills to enable me to coach others.
This session felt different to the other three as we both knew it was the last one. Because Elaine was moving on to a new role, it felt even more final. Some sort of closure was necessary, so I liked writing the letter to myself.
This also gave the sessions a sense of continuity – Elaine posting me the letter at the end of 2008 is a means of reviewing and checking my progress. I left the session looking forward to achieving my goals.
Further information
E de Haan, Relational Coaching: Journeys Towards Mastering One-To-One Learning, Wiley, Chichester, 2008.
E de Haan, “I doubt therefore I coach: critical moments in coaching practice”, in Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, March, 60 (1), pp91-105, 2008
E de Haan, “I struggle and emerge – critical moments of experienced coaches”, in Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, March, 60(1), pp106-131, 2008