Can we lay all judgment aside in a coaching conversation? An academic at Sheffield Hallam University’s Coaching and Mentoring Research Unit examines our motivations.
David Wagstaff
Walking during late afternoons, as the nights close in, I get glimpses into people’s homes and offices as the lights come on but the curtains remain open. I sometimes find myself thinking: “What a great picture” or “What hideous wallpaper.”

I am both curious and potentially judgmental, and those qualities play a part in my work as a coach. But curiosity and judgment have positive and negative sides. A curiosity about others seems to be an essential element of the coach’s work. How can I work with my clients unless I am interested in what makes them tick, what their goals and aspirations are and why they make the decisions they do?

Judgment call

Stern suggests that coaches need to “evaluate themselves honestly to decide if they have the real interest, passion, style and propensity to work intensely, one-on-one with executives”. What is the focus of my curiosity? Am I nosey or is it in the service of my client?

It would be foolish to assume that I am able to lay all judgment aside when coaching. Unconditional positive regard, as put forward by Rogers, is an aspiration and yet I catch myself thinking: “Doesn’t sound like a great idea to me,” or “You’re going to do what?” Again, the challenge is how to use my reactions in the service of my client; how can I challenge appropriately; how can I resist guiding?

The literature pays little attention to the motivation and motivational traps for coaches. Mary Beth O’Neill is aware of what motivates her: “Coaching executives continues to be a passion for me because the work is challenging, inspiring, fun and stimulating.”

Interested parties

I recently asked a group of trainee coaches about what motivated them. Many said they wanted to help people develop and grow, to help them tackle new challenges, to do some good and to help organisations develop.

And of course, like curiosity and judgment, each of these drivers has its positive and negative aspects. What are the altruistic or selfish drivers behind these intentions? Can I help without taking over? Can I suggest without needing to be right? Am I exercising executive power vicariously through my client?

It is perfectly legitimate for some of our own needs to be met through our work. And if we consider that our sense of identity is principally constructed through our social interactions, it is inevitable for my sense of myself to be validated or to shift within a relationship.

And so, while Shaw points out that “coaching lives in the relationship between committed individuals who are working to accomplish something together”, Hawkins recognises that “our own development is weaved through every aspect of our practice, where every client is a teacher, every piece of feedback an opportunity for new learning”.

Stern suggests that executive coaches need to “decide what kinds of executive coaching they want to provide: toward what ends for their clients; toward what ends for themselves”. Supervision is one way of ensuring we stay in touch with these questions, for it aims to “encourage the growth of insight and self-awareness through reflective practice”.

But as well as supervision, developing a capacity to be aware, in the moment, of our motivation for asking a question or making a suggestion will ensure that our curiosity and judgment are principally and genuinely in our client’s interest.

References

  • P Hawkins, “Coaching supervision”, in J Passmore (ed), Excellence in Coaching – The Industry Guide for Coaching Best Practice, Kogan Page, 2006.
  • C Rogers, A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy: On Becoming a Person, Constable, London, 1961.
  • M B O’Neill, Executive Coaching with Backbone and Heart: A Systems Approach to Engaging Leaders with their Challenges, Jossey-Bass, 2000.
  • D G Shaw, The Performance Measurement, Management, and Appraisal Sourcebook, Human Resource Development Press, 1995.
  • LR Stern, “Executive coaching: a working definition”, in Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 56(3), pp154–162, 2004.
  • V Wosket, “Clinical supervision”, in C Feltham and I Horton (eds), Handbook of Counselling & Psychotherapy, Sage, 2000.

Volume 3, Issue 6