LINDSAY WITTENBERG
As coaches, even our very presence can impact the client. Is it possible to preserve the autonomy of the relationship?
Alongside my growing interest in a systemic approach to coaching, I’ve been thinking increasingly about my own role in directing (albeit implicitly) the coaching client’s thinking – something I’m wary of, but which is inherent in my simply being present.
One of my clients had a long history in her organisation and was passionate about its mission. She had played a significant role in shaping its evolution from cottage industry, with a family ethos, to becoming more formal and rigorous, with new ways of working, under more scrutiny from external bodies and the public at large.
She now felt fragile, wounded by criticism and challenge. The sense of ‘family support’ of earlier years was giving way to power games, personal political agendas and a lack of alignment as context for her major role in driving the organisation towards the achievement of its agenda.
Her health and resilience were suffering and she hadn’t slept properly in months. It all felt too much, and she arrived at her coaching session saying she wanted to manage her exit in whatever way she needed to save face.
Exit was a new factor I hadn’t heard from her before – and I became aware that, despite my best intentions, I had an opinion: not only did her decision seem to me to be emotionally driven rather than rationally driven, but I felt sad that behaving reactively might mean the organisation losing this talented, dedicated executive and her career taking a major knock. It bothered me that I had this kind of perspective: as a coach my own opinion and my own ego have no place in the coaching interaction.
Nevertheless, before I agreed to coach her on this new objective, I decided to challenge her process of reaching it and to coach her to stand in her authority in a new way. As a result she realised that the part of herself that was making this decision was the teenager. She went on to re-find her adult self, re-decide and map a way forward in a way that resourced her to manage the criticism and the challenges.
She emerged from her coaching session with some confidence restored and a clearer sense of her place and focus.
I was left wondering how my opinion had affected the interventions I chose and how it had impacted my client’s responses and decisions.
If she felt like a teenager, might I have been ‘parent’, to challenge what needed to be challenged, and remind her of her strengths and talents? What learning would she take away to sustain her to encounter similar situations in future with a clearer sense of her own resources, authority and the influences on her, and firmer ground on which to make well-judged decisions?
I am more aware than ever of my role in any client’s situation, journey, resolution and system. The challenge of ensuring the health and balance of that role makes me reflect on how I have handled it, on the client’s autonomy, and on whether my own opinion has had an inappropriate influence, even if the client seems to end the session in a more balanced and resourceful state than when she began it.
Lindsay Wittenberg is director of Lindsay Wittenberg Ltd. She is an executive coach who specialises in authentic leadership, career development and cross-cultural coaching
www.lindsaywittenberg.co.uk