Coaching at Work Annual Conference, Ahead of the Curve, Online, 17 November 2022
Coaches can work with the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model to help clients address anxiety and shame, among other issues, said coaching psychologist Belinda Rydings.
IFS is an evidence-based model, developed by Richard Schwartz, based on our systems of inner parts, which assumes that in addition to our ‘wise self’, we have three key part types: protective managers and firefighters, and exiles.
Speaking on the Innovations and Wellbeing panel at the conference, Rydings, who works a lot with trauma in high-functioning leaders, said a common exile belief she encounters in many of her clients, is ‘I’m not good enough.’
“Our protector parts jump into action to protect ourselves from feeling exile feelings such as shame, anxiety and grief,” she said.
Examples of manager parts who run our daily lives fairly effectively include controlling or perfectionist parts, inner critics, procrastinators or underminers, she said. Firefighters come into play to bring relief in the moment when our manager parts are no longer able to contain the exile feelings, perhaps in response to a triggering event. They can include parts that avoid, deny or diminish, or reach for drink or food to suppress feelings.
“The polarities between the managers and firefighters can present us with dilemmas, self-shame or anxiety – the very feelings the firefighters are trying to avoid,” she said. An example is a manager part that overworks to deliver, and a firefighter who feels worn out so procrastinates, scrolling on the mobile, she said.
“My job as a coach is to help clients discover their polarized manager/firefighter parts and discover the burdens of the exiles that are driving those protectors. I can then help clients’ parts see that there’s a wise adult here who understands their concerns and is capable and resourced in a way the parts aren’t.”
- Catch up with the recording of this panel and any other panels here: https://caw.nwsvirtualevents.com/
- Join Belinda Rydings’ masterclass on Helping coaching clients with Internal Family Systems on 1 February, 10-1 online: https://bit.ly/3VgbFKU