This issue: how coaching supervision can deepen our relationships with coaches, enabling us to explore what it means to be human and vulnerable
by Jan Brause
As human beings we strive to make meaning of things, often to support our own view of the world. Yet when we pause and take stock, we can be challenged to look at the world through a new lens and a different perspective.
This can take courage and a willingness to be vulnerable, to face our fears, hold them like precious objects with a sense of curiosity and compassion, really look at them from all angles, and then choose our next steps.
I often talk to my clients about vulnerability, which for me means lowering our guard, ‘dropping the mask’ to allow our real selves to be visible. Personally, it has taken me many years of self-exploration to recognise the professional mask I wore in my early career. Now I see it for what it is: a pattern I’d become used to, that protected me (or so I thought) from others and the world. As I learned to drop the mask, I noticed people warmed to me, engaged with me more and felt I was more connected with them. By allowing my clients to see all of me, it offered an invitation for them to do the same. I believe this is a cornerstone of our work in supervision.
The challenge is that when we’re under pressure, our old patterns can emerge, often from left field, rocking us to our core and triggering internal language and patterns of behaviour that hold us back, stifle our relationships or weaken our resolve. I’ve found the work of Dr Sarah Hill helpful in this context, working with our childhood stories and narratives that, once we become aware of them, can be subtly changed, allowing us to practise a new narrative that serves us more usefully as adults.
As coaches we invite our clients to be vulnerable so when we engage with supervision it’s an opportunity for us to practise what we preach. Being vulnerable can be a big ask. If we’ve lived behind our mask for many years, what does it mean to show our true selves? Will we be liked? Will we be judged? This innate fear is laid down in our early years through the influence of significant others in our lives and childhood experiences.
Supervision supports many areas of our personal and professional development and it can shine a light on our patterns, particularly the unhelpful patterns, but only if we’re willing to bring all of ourselves to the discussion.
Otto Scharmer describes a process of letting go to let something new emerge. He encourages us to sit with an open heart, mind and will; to stay with any discomfort, to be comfortable with not knowing. The quality of the supervisory relationship is critical here as both supervisor and supervisee are present in this place of not knowing together.
I recall a supervision session where I sat with my supervisee in presence and silence as we wrestled with a pattern that had presented in a recent coaching session. We were vulnerable – my client holding their sense of shame and I a sense of tension, waiting for what needed to emerge. Both silently acknowledging the unknown between us, our masks lowered, ultimately leading to a deeper conversation with new learning and insight for both of us. Such is the richness of supervision.
References
- S Hill, Where Did You Learn To Behave Like That? A Coaching Guide For Working With Leaders, Dialogix, 2017
- C O Scharmer, Theory U: Leading From The Future As It Emerges, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2009
- Jan Brause is a CSA accredited coach supervisor and a member volunteer with AoCS: https://www.associationofcoachingsupervisors.com/supervisors/profiles/jan-brause
- and can be contacted at: jan@janbrause.co.uk
- AoCS is an international community of coach supervisors and source of good practice, where you can easily find an experienced, qualified and often accredited coach supervisor to work with: www.associationofcoachingsupervisors.com