What are the new rules for engagement post #MeToo? Jonathan Passmore and Claire Collins share research on changing attitudes to relationships, and offer some pointers for a #UsAll coach world
The past year has seen a proliferation of news stories about inappropriate behaviour, sexual harassment and sexual assault.
These have highlighted the fact that after more than 40 years of sex equality legislation in the UK, misogynistic and sexist behaviours are still rife in the workplace. Indeed, a recent study has shown that one in three women has been sexually harassed at work in the past 12 months (The Telegraph, 2018).
The floodgates burst with the fall of film producer Harvey Weinstein in the US, following which #MeToo spread virally around the world, including to India, Pakistan and China. From the damning stories about taxi company Uber’s culture, to the misogynistic culture and alleged conduct of the House of Commons speaker in the UK Parliament, allegations of sexual misconduct at charities such as Oxfam and Save the Children, and demands for change from employees at Google, a movement for change is growing in organisations.
According to the Financial Times (FT), nearly 300 high-level executives in listed companies in the US were fired due to sexual improprieties in the workplace in the first half of 2018 (FT, 19.10.2018). But how are men and women adjusting, what more needs to change and what about coaching?
A study of 102 men and women executive coaches by Henley Business School explored changing attitudes to relationships. We looked at attitudes towards behaviour at work, what were considered acceptable and unacceptable behaviours between colleagues and between coaches and their clients.
The results indicated that 30% of men say that the #MeToo movement has made them more sensitive to what is acceptable behaviour, with 83% of male respondents believing that some male colleagues in their workplace needed to change how they act. What was interesting is that 92% of women thought there was a need for some men to change their behaviour at work.
In reviewing greetings, 100% believed a handshake was acceptable for both men and women, while 65% of men thought that kissing a work colleague on the cheek was acceptable, while only 30% felt this was acceptable when greeting a client. This contrasted with 42% of women who thought a kiss was acceptable when greeting a client, but as with male respondents, the figure was higher for greeting a
work colleague.
Language, too, was identified as an issue of difference, with general agreement that sexual innuendo and references were unacceptable, although for a small sample of men, below 10%, these were still considered acceptable behaviours.
So how should men (and women) behave in the post #MeToo world towards colleagues and coaching clients? What are the new rules for 2019? We offer five simple rules to guide behaviour when working with clients and suggest actions that organisations can take to drive wider cultural change, which can be supported by coaching and mentoring.
Five rules for Working with coaching clients
1 Compliments If you want to give a client a compliment, think about how the message may be understood, or misunderstood by them. While “that’s a nice tie/scarf” is acceptable, “you look good in that blouse/shirt” might imply a physical attraction, depending on how the compliment is delivered.
A personal statement coupled with inappropriate signals (such as touching) – however subtle – could be experienced as harassment. Ask yourself if you’d be happy making the same comment to someone no matter the gender. If not, it may better to keep the compliment to yourself, or express it in a way you would to the opposite gender.
2 Socialising Is it ever acceptable to go to a social event with a client? Think about the meaning the social encounter conveys. In practice the difference between “would you like a coffee?” or “would you like to come for a drink?”, is more than a difference in the temperature of the drink. You may ask yourself the question, is this part of the assignment? If not, what would you do if the conversation returns to a coaching theme, or work-based issues?
3 Joking apart If you want to crack a joke, avoid all references to sexual behaviour. While some men find this type of comment humorous, many women find it inappropriate or intimidating. Stick to safer topics.
4 Touching The rules on touching vary widely between cultures. What is custom and practice in Paris is very different to what’s the norm in Perth, and is certainly very different to what’s acceptable in Islamabad. As a general rule, in Western cultures restrict touching to a handshake. There are rare exceptions, for colleagues who you know well and who favour a hug or kiss on the cheek. A simple rule might be, when in doubt, opt for a handshake.
5 Managing attraction Coaching ethical codes generally explicitly prohibit sexual relationships with clients. If you’re attracted to a client, this may be a good time to end the coaching relationship and refer the work on. If you feel a client is becoming attracted to you, be aware of the power dynamic. The attraction is likely to be towards the client’s fantasy of you as their coach; the empathetic, listening, caring aspects of your personality.
In summary, treat clients with respect, recognising that power is an important ingredient in the coaching relationship. While few clients have complained about coach misbehaviours over the past five years in respect of sexist or sexual harassment, there are lessons we can all learn from #MeToo.
However, looking at the results from Henley’s small-scale study, if we’re really going to make a step change as a result of #MeToo, wider change is also needed to create a truly equal workplace. We suggest seven organisational changes that can make a difference.
Seven organisational changes to try
1 Coaching and mentoring programmes Developing programmes for women can help create a level playing field by increasing women’s sense of entitlement, confidence and authority, and so redressing any gender power imbalances within the organisation.
2 Diverse leadership styles Encourage diverse leadership that recognises people may lead in different ways from traditional models. Indeed, leadership flexibility and agility are a bonus and can be enhanced through coaching and mentoring.
3 Flexible policies Encourage the development of flexible employment policies that allow all employees to take career breaks, whether for maternity, paternity or care leave.
4 Speak up Encourage everyone to speak up and challenge inappropriate language and behaviour, even when said in jest, or when the remark is casual. Silence is the best friend of harassment, bullying and workplace cultures that tolerate some people to act outside acceptable norms.
5 Complaints and whistleblowing Adopt and publicise complaints and whistleblowing policies that support victims. The evidence from recent stories is that such behaviours can reflect a generational and seniority gap, which means younger and junior workers may need protection from those they call out.
6 Training, coaching and mentoring around gender bias Employers can offer support to help all employees become more aware of subtle prejudicial organisational barriers. This may be to support men in understanding when their behaviours are reinforcing a gender-stereotyped workplace, or for women who want to create a level playing field at work and be equal participants in a healthy working culture.
7 Change in the boardroom Help to create a board where the representation of women is balanced with that of men: changes in organisational attitudes and behaviours take time, but change needs to flow from the top.
In reality, many leading organisations are making positive progress. Coaching has a key role to play in driving and supporting change at work to create more ethical workplaces.
With a combination of changes to behaviour and wider change to organisational and societal policies, further progress should be made towards creating workplaces where all employees, whatever their gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, culture or nationality, feel respected, valued and have the opportunity to flourish.
When individuals flourish, their organisations thrive.
- Dr Jonathan Passmore is director of Henley Centre for Coaching, Henley Business School
- Dr Claire Collins is programme director for Henley’s DBA programme and director of diversity and inclusion