Coaching for maternity and paternity returners only is a missed opportunity. For a well-managed transition, they must be engaged before, during and after their leave, says Jennifer Liston-Smith
Why do organisations provide specialist coaching through the transition to parenthood? To engage and retain their knowledgeable mid-career people, support their performance on return from leave and attract future talent as an employer of choice. Targeted coaching addresses one of the leaks in the talent pipeline – and potentially accelerates leadership development.
The transition to motherhood can be one of the ‘off-ramps’ in a woman’s career, using Sylvia Ann Hewlett’s (2002) phrase; and potentially these days for a hands-on working dad, too.
When new parents return to work, the road ahead seems strewn with challenges: the ‘motherhood penalty’ (eg, Coughlan, April 2017), the gender pay gap (eg, Scott, September 2017) and the lack of gender diversity on boards (eg, Brown, August 2017). Yet, plenty is known about the commercial value of gender-balanced leadership: early warnings stretch back ten years to Catalyst (2007) or McKinsey (2008) or academics such as Correll (2007).
The leadership pipeline has plenty of leaky spots, and addressing the transition to parenthood is an important one among them. Good coaching before, during and after maternity, paternity or shared parental leave has the scope to help the working parents make a well-managed transition, with self-awareness, good communication and a continuing career vision. It improves return rates and it also supports ongoing development, as seen in client case studies from employee benefits organisation, My Family Care.
Combined data across two years at Sky showed participants in maternity and paternity group coaching reported a 63% increase in confidence through the programme, and that they felt 44% clearer about their plans after the coaching, while maternity group coaching participants at PageGroup reported a 45% uplift in practical know-how and relevant skills.
Lawyers at Simmons & Simmons reported feeling 32% better equipped for influential conversations with key stakeholders following their one-to-one parent transition coaching. And in terms of retention, Norton Rose Fulbright has commented on the results of its group and one-to-one coaching programme: “We’ve seen our annual maternity retention rates increase by 14% in just two years to 85%, and after 12 months back at work, our maternity returners are still with us,” said a spokesperson.
Pre-leave: laying solid foundations
Some employers think about coaching maternity returners, but coaching only after return is a missed opportunity. There is groundwork to be done before leave: communicating and planning with line managers, colleagues, clients and direct reports.
The practical focus is on a good handover and coaching can help structure this and ensure it provides for getting work back in good shape too. It can also broaden the focus: who are the leaver’s sponsors; who can advocate for them while they’re on leave? And who are their buddies; who will keep them up to date with news or gossip? How can they best use Keeping in Touch days (up to 10 are possible during maternity or adoption leave) or Shared Parental Leave in Touch days (up to 20 are an option).
Make it work
Identify key stakeholders, be proactive and initiate the conversations that are needed. Make an ally of the person or people covering the role.
Fatal flaw
The birth, or adoption, always looms large. Avoid seeing the leave date as the end, failing to plan for the return and ongoing career path.
During leave: getting ready for the comeback
My team of coaches often talks about clients crossing a bridge from pre- to post-baby worlds. We have coached thousands of new mothers and fathers, and heard so many of them say they were shocked by how differently they felt post-baby: “What’s happened to the old me that was all about career?” and “Why does the Discovery Channel on TV reduce me to sentimental tears now?”
Coaching serves to normalise the transition and to hold up to the client their professional self as still there, still capable and living alongside this wonderful new identity: it can be ‘both/and’ and the client can work out their own version of it. Some clients balance their identities by working with a coach to flesh out a strong business case for a flexible working arrangement. Some work with their coach on personal branding so they will remember their vital skills and contribution when they step back through the door.
Make it work
Pay attention to both identities: support the new one (parent) and speak up for the continuing one (career). The right balance of listening, support and challenge facilitates this.
Fatal flaw
Having an experienced parent transition coach who has ‘been there, done that’ themselves brings a huge temptation for the client to ask simply: “But what did you do?” It’s important to tread a conscious and well-contracted line between coaching and mentoring.
Post-leave: managing the day-to-day and the ongoing vision
It’s so easy to find ourselves failing as working parents. There’s always something we haven’t done, or could have done better. Coaching post-leave can be about practical solutions for daily challenges, but there is another fundamental opportunity. Men, like women before them, increasingly bring the G word (guilt) to their parent transition coaching.
Back in 2007, coaching psychologist Margaret Chapman observed a group coaching programme I designed for an investment bank. As an independent researcher exploring the programme’s impact, Margaret noticed a paradox: if you ask how new working parents are feeling, there’s a lot about worry, tiredness, doubt and the challenges of dealing with everybody’s assumptions. But if you ask what has got better, clients quickly recognise how they have grown and easily list new capabilities and valuable perspectives
(Liston-Smith & Chapman, 2009).
It’s so important that we acknowledge this. Positive psychology approaches can help to identify strengths and appreciative enquiry can help notice what’s already working.
That coaching programme is still running 10 years on, so it seems each cohort needs to realise this same point for themselves.
Make it work
Help clients work from their strengths and capabilities. Whether it’s about getting out of the door smoothly at 5.30pm or asking for the next promotion, there are influential, win-win ways of doing it – or overly apologetic ways. It can help to roleplay in advance and understand one’s own assumptions as well as those of others.
Fatal flaws
Failing to question assumptions and unconscious bias. Putting up with side-lining because colleagues or managers might assume a working parent wants a quiet life, with less ambition.
One of the tools I have come up with for approaching the transition overall is to remind clients that they are the VIP at the centre of this transition: Values – important to clarify these and act from them; Influence – identify your key stakeholders and work out what you need to communicate to them, and how; Practicalities – including planning, lining up help at work and home, working out what’s really needed and what can be let go of!
- Jennifer Liston-Smith is director, head of coaching & consultancy with My Family Care, one of the leading UK providers of solutions for integrating work+family. She is a pioneer of maternity coaching, a member of the Women’s Business Council: Men As Change Agents workgroup and sits on the judges panel for the Top Employers for Working Mums