This is the second column commissioned for our Campaign for Gender Equality. Last issue, Nicole Berg explored which qualities society determines to be masculine and feminine, and posited that feminine qualities are often viewed as incongruous in a work setting. This issue: the impact of gender conditioning
By Nicole Berg
As coaches, raising awareness is a big part of what we do. With gender inequality and any other unrelenting issue, it’s important to understand the root cause. In this case, gender differences are at the heart. True equality – and true inclusion – involves being aware of and appreciating diversity.
Understanding how gender differences are created and knowing how they can become barriers instead of cause for celebration will allow us to take one big step closer to equality.
Covert sexism in society is experienced by both genders, but armed with awareness, we can make a change. Our behaviour is moulded by society through constant positive or negative reinforcement, teaching us unwritten rules by which we go about our everyday lives.
Early conditioning
The conditioning of our behaviour starts earlier than we might think. Gender conditioning begins at birth in something as innocuous as the name we’re given. Figlio (2007) found that the more feminine a girl’s name (eg, ‘Isabella’), the more likely she is to study humanities than traditionally ‘male’ subjects like advanced mathematics, as compared to girls with more masculine names (eg, ‘Alex’).
He suggests this is because girls are treated differently based on their names – even twin sisters. Notably, girls with more feminine names performed just as well when they did pursue more technical subjects. In short, not only are we conditioned based on our maleness and femaleness, as many of us will recognise based on the toys we were given as children, for instance, but we’re also conditioned based on our perceived masculinity and femininity.
Fast-forwarding through a lifetime of interactions that result in compounding gender conditioning, we can get a sense of how our interactions will have shaped our work roles, our relationships and our caregiving.
Men, do you personally feel pressure from yourself or others to step back from family commitments and ‘nurturing’ behaviour to focus on success? Women, do you personally feel an expectation from yourself or others for you to do the opposite? And what perspectives are your clients and staff holding on these roles and expectations?
Gender conditioning also has an impact on the way we live day to day. Dweck (2006) researched the difference in mindset between males and females, concluding that males are generally raised with a growth mindset. They’re encouraged to try harder and perform better, which leads to continual learning and improvement. Traits, like intelligence, are developed.
On the other hand, females tend to be conditioned with a fixed mindset. They’re given static labels, such as: ‘clever’, ‘beautiful’, ‘good’: qualities that are fixed rather than developed.
This leads to avoiding challenges, giving up more easily and ignoring what could be constructive criticism and opportunities for learning – stopping females from reaching their full potential.
We clearly live in a gendered culture, though norms are changing and society is becoming increasingly egalitarian (Spence & Hahn, 1997). Gender differences are neither inherently good nor bad – they just are. But what happens when gender norms aren’t so harmless?
Norms as obstacles
Putting a gendered lens to the situation, we know that ambition is a masculine trait, and that both men and women are often encouraged to strive for ‘more’ – for tokens of success, such as a title, salary or job perks. Are we truly valuing the diversity of masculine and feminine traits – in ourselves, our clients and organisations?
The ways in which gender norms hold us back are often difficult to put a finger on, and tend to be easier to spot when we are in danger of breaking them. There are, unfortunately, many examples of this, from the man who overworked so much that he ended up in a neurologist’s office after an episode of which he has only a faint and patchy memory, to the woman who was not promoted because she was not ‘alpha female enough’ (both true), to the various other stories we hear from the media, friends and colleagues.
On a more lighthearted note, the first time I noticed my own conditioning holding me back was at the age of 18. I was working part-time in retail and a customer returned an item – a guillotine-style paper cutter – which was damaged aesthetically, but not functionally.
A directive from the manufacturer was in place to destroy the item rather than ship it back. I took it to the part of the building where shipments were received, in which there was plenty of room to do the necessary.
I stared at the cutter in my hands, and I realised I hadn’t a clue how to break it. I was always taught to be careful (I can vividly recall my mother’s disappointment when I broke a wooden spoon more than 20 years ago). I thought about dropping it, which I knew wouldn’t do the trick. I thought how I might drop it from something higher.
An agonising minute later (how difficult was this supposed to be?!), a male colleague passed through and I informed him of my dilemma. Within seconds, the arm of the cutter was used to whip the body of the cutter around and smash it on the concrete floor in a surprisingly satisfying way.
These examples illustrate how gender conditioning impacts what we think, how we think, what roles we play and how we behave. If we and our clients are to reach our full potential, we must be free to explore a full range of masculine and feminine traits.
Becoming ever more aware of what stops us from doing so is a necessary step, and conditioning is a big part of this – not only moment-in-time reinforcement or punishment by someone else, but how we seek to avoid punishment by acting in line with societal norms.
Next issue: boldly exploring the full range of feminine and masculine traits available to us and our clients.
Nicole Berg is CEO and founder of leadership and development consultancy, Charis Coaching. Coaching at Work has partnered with Charis Coaching as part of its Campaign for Gender Equality.
References
- ‘Names really do make a difference’, in The Guardian, 29 April 2007, http://bit.ly/1Kt1Unh
- C Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, New York: Random House, 2006
Join the conversation
What impact do you see gender conditioning having in your coaching? Have your say. Go to: http://bit.ly/1VgkwaI