by Ian Day
As people – and as practitioners – we never stop learning. Even a toddler can teach you about coaching
My young daughter wants to do everything herself. One day her Fimbles radio needed new batteries. I fetched a screwdriver and new batteries ready to get the radio working again. However, she was determined to do it herself. When I tried to help she pushed my hand away. Although it took some time, she did succeed, and with minimal help from me.
After my daughter had gone to bed, I thought with a smile about how independent she was becoming. For her it wasn’t just the end result that was important. She wanted the Fimbles radio to work again, but she was really interested in the process. She seemed to get more pleasure from learning how to change the batteries.
As my daughter grows and learns, I am constantly re-assessing what she is able to do, what she wants to do, and the support she needs from me. If I offer too much help, she tells me. So as a father my approach, and my relationship with my daughter, is changing as fast as she grows.
I reflected with my coach-mentor on how much my daughter has taught me about coaching. It became clear that, as with my daughter, my relationship with my clients is constantly changing and growing too. It is important to consider that although the achievement of a client’s goals is important, the process they take to achieve them is equally so. Awareness of the process and learning how the learning took place ensures that the change is sustainable and can be replicated.
My daughter also taught me to take risks. For example, when she was learning to climb stairs by herself, I had to stand back and let her do it, with the risk that she might stumble and fall. Over time I increased the distance between us. Now she goes up and down by herself.
Again, I see an analogy to coaching. I am constantly re-evaluating my view of my clients’ skills and the level of support needed from me. In a way the distance between coach and client increases over time as the client moves towards independence. If the coach takes risks and lets go, the path to independence and sustainability will be shorter. The coach needs to avoid cultivating dependence and reliance, which is not healthy for either party.
Obviously I do not consider my clients to be children and me the parent (not even in transactional analysis terms). I use this as an analogy to demonstrate that we can always learn from others, regardless of age. The important thing is to reflect and consider how something in one part of my life is a mirror that reflects another part. My daughter helped me develop my awareness as a father and as a coach, and so I conclude that there are opportunities to learn everywhere – and the most unexpected of them are the most fulfilling.
So what is the purpose of writing this article in a coaching magazine? What relevance does this have to other coaches?
To me, it is about being open and receptive. I did not expect my daughter to teach me about how I coach and the beliefs I hold. Since then I have tried to become more open to experiences and influences around me, and which have an impact on my coaching. I believe for effective coaching there needs to be an effective understanding of self. This comes from awareness, which in turn comes from being open and receptive to all experiences.
So my call to action for fellow coaches is to be open to learning from any source. This might simply be reflecting on a wider range of experiences and by considering how this may influence you and your coaching. I cannot separate the experiences I had on a Sunday from the coaching session I undertook on a Monday, so it is better for me to integrate all experiences, rather than compartmentalise them.
Ian Day is lead partner at 121partners; ianday@121partners.com
Volume 5, Issue 1