Example A: “Dad, can you coach me?”
One evening our eldest daughter, Anna-Julia, who is 13, asked me to coach her about a school project she had to write on Romania. Tears were running down her face as she explained how she had simply too much work going on at the same time. She was really desperate. She handed me a pile of paper. I leafed through it and asked: “Help me to understand this project a little better. Let’s take a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 means that you are holding the fully completed project in your hand and 1 means that you haven’t done anything in this matter. Where are you in the moment?”
“Maybe at a 3,” she said hesitantly.“Already a 3? Okay, so tell me, what have you already achieved so that you are at 3 and not still at 1?” “Well, you can see, I have all these print-outs from the internet!” She pointed at the pile in my hand, and as I looked at the pages some more, she explained: “I’ve already talked to my classmate about how we will divide the parts, but, you know, I haven’t found anything on sports.” “Okay, there is nothing on sports yet and what else have you done to get to 3?” “I marked all the passages that are interesting. Then I collected headings for the table of contents, but I really don’t know what exactly I could write about Romanian music.” “Sure, there’s still something missing.” I leafed on. “What else have you done?” “Well, we recorded the documentary that was on television, but we still have to pick the scenes that we could show.”
“And all of this together is a 3 on your progress scale?” “Well, actually this is more of a 4 because I did type a draft on culture and geography into the computer.” After a short moment she gave me a big smile, poked me with her elbow and said: “Hey, dad, I am already at a 4! Cool!” With that, she was gone, a smile on her face and a lightness in her step. I had almost forgotten our short conversation when Anna-Julia came down to lunch a week later with a huge smile and proudly announced that she was at 7 on the progress scale for her quarterly project. “I told all my friends my dad was coaching me!” she said.
Staying on top with scaling questions
From a technical point of view, in this short conversation I had only asked scaling questions, two very simple interventions with two distinct functions and an apparently lasting success:
Determining the actual position (“Where are you now on a scale of 1 to 10?”)
Merely introducing a scale often helps clients to look at things from a more distant perspective. It is like moving from drowning in the rough sea of perceived problems to a safe surfboard that helps one to stay on top.
Reinforcing what is already there (“What have you already achieved between 1 and 3?”)
Inviting clients to look at the road already travelled can increase their confidence that whatever they are doing can be one. The very same question can be asked repeatedly to elicit even more information about what clients have successfully done so far (“What else?”). Like a compliment, it reinforces the distance already travelled by the clients.
Creating choice in the client’s perception
By asking our questions we influence how clients observe their own actions and perceive reality. The fastest way to change is often to offer clients a choice of what part of reality they want to perceive. When Anna-Julia asked me to coach her, she had no choice; the only cross-section of reality that she could perceive was defined by what was still missing in her project.
Creating choice
As a coach I figuratively sit next to my clients, look at what they perceive as reality, and confirm (“Ah, yes, this is not easy” meaning the missing things between 3 and 10 on the scale). But by giving clients “a tap on the shoulder”, coaches can point their attention in a slightly different direction (“… and over there, tell me what’s over there?” meaning things existing between 1 and 3). This is not about negating what clients initially perceive when they are stuck. It is about making it possible for them to look at other pieces of the same reality and then to exercise the freedom to decide whether they want to look at what is missing or at what is already there, or at both next to one another.
Gentle nudging
In my experience clients first tend to forget about the freshly created choice and fall back on their initial limited perception (“But I have nothing on sports”). Sometimes, clients need a gentle reminder of their choice while acknowledging what they say. (“Yes, nothing on sports and what else have you done to get to 3?”)
Example B: Improving on a personality profile
Dave, a 38-year-old upper-level manager in the pharmaceutical industry, had called me about coaching. We decided to meet for a two-hour session. I usually agree with clients to work until “things get better enough”, explaining that brief coaching is about giving them a head start so they can carry on, using their own resources, as quickly as possible.
Session goal
We started immediately with: “What needs to happen in this session so it turns out most useful to you?” Dave explained that in a recent workshop of the entire management crew, his Interaction (“I”) in the DISC personality profile had turned out very low. Results showed his “I” in relationships was around 12 normally, and could go up to 50. The “I”s of his colleagues, however, were generally more around 70. “I want to reach 70 but in my own fitting style,” he said. In this case the “scale between 1 and 100 on a profile score” was introduced by the client. Scales help client and coach to get clarity and understanding of what they are talking about. It becomes easy to move between relevant positions on the scale representing different client behaviours.
Positive effects of reaching the goal
“Dave, suppose you could get to 70. How would you act differently at 70 in your own fitting style?” It turned out that what would make the most difference was having “advance” trust and support from his boss. This was very important to him and he was missing it terribly in the current relationship. “I do not know how I can contribute to that in a way that I am comfortable with,” he said. “Many things that others do to shape interaction are just not my style.” Asking about positive effects of reaching the goal usually clarifies what is important to the client and what makes the idea of change so attractive.
Existing resources
When I asked about recent examples of Dave reaching at least somewhere close to 70 he could not recall anything relevant at first. But the more I asked questions about his existing ability to interact, the better his memory got:
- How had he managed to get up to middle management in his career so far?
- How had he contributed to the trust and support of his earlier superiors?
- When had there been even short moments of trust and support from his current boss?
We spent more than an hour with these questions until Dave came to realise that there had been relevant instances of him being at 60 and even 75 on his scale. I became more and more impressed and fascinated with his competencies and integrity in shaping relationships. One useful success story was when Dave was given responsibility to turn around a desolate production plant early on in his career, and another was when he had decided to fly over to troubleshoot in a conflict situation in his current job. In both examples he had been granted an advance bonus. We worked at thrashing out the details of his behaviour that had made the difference to gain his superiors’ trust and confidence. It can take a lot of gentle nudging and persistence from the coach’s side to create a choice in the client’s self-perception of their own resources. This effort often pays in the briefness and effectiveness of the coaching. A client well aware of his own resources is the best guarantee for lasting results after the coach is gone.
Observable clues for further progress
Fifteen minutes before the end of the session we got around to discussing how he would notice further progress in the coming days and weeks. He easily came up with a long list of things he could do that would authentically fit his personality. He was obviously inspired, recalling what had already worked for him in his career. We discussed where these different action ideas would put him on the scale (mostly between 50 and 70) and how he would notice new reactions from his boss.
Making future progress noticeable adds choice to the client’s perception. Clients develop differently when they know which first signs of wanted behaviour to look for chances to register improvements when they happen to arise. In this phase of the coaching it was important to define clues to how Dave would notice even slightly improved trust and support from his boss. Reactions of others often create lasting reinforcement of useful client behaviour.
We agreed he would contact me if any more coaching was needed.I had not heard from Dave until I called him four months later to ask his permission to use the case for this article. In our short conversation he mentioned that things were very rough at work but that he had strong trust and support from his boss.
About the author
Peter Szabó is a doctor of law and a master certified coach. He coaches individual and corporate clients on management and life issues. He lives in Switzerland and teaches postgraduate courses in coaching at several European universities. He offers a certified brief coach training course through SolutionSurfers International. He is co-author, with Insoo Kim Berg, of Brief Coaching for Lasting Solutions (Norton Professional Books, 2005).
peter.szabo@solutionsurfers.com
References and further information
- Sir John Whitmore, talking about the book Brief Coaching for Lasting Solutions (Berg/Szabó, Norton Professional Books, 2005)
- For more detail about this coaching conversation, see: www.solutionsurfers.com>resources>further material>papers: Brief Coaching: Dad, can you coach me?
- Insoo Kim Berg (Berg/Szabó, 2005)
- “No problem can be solved by the same kind of consciousness that created it” – Albert Einstein
- The DISC profile generates insights about work behaviour. www.mydiscprofile.com
- I did not know the tool at the time of our conversation. The advantage of staying at the surface of scaling is that I do not need to understand the details of a given tool in order to be helpful in the process of moving forward
See also “Lost and found”, Coaching at Work, vol 2, issue 4, and “Guiding lights”, Coaching at Work, vol 2, issue 5.
Reader offer
A live demonstration of brief coaching at work with Peter Szabó will be happening via teleconference on Tuesday 20 November at 6-7pm (UK time). It includes a coaching session with a real client. Sign up free of charge by emailing infosolutionsurfers.com, indicating whether you wish to attend as a listener or as a potential client.
Volume 2, Issue 6