Offers tips for coaches on how to coach an individual to improve their communication skills
Eyal Pavell

‘How can I improve my communication skills?’ is one of the most frequently asked questions in the self-help industry, and coaching can offer a valuable perspective on providing an answer

Improving communication skills is one of the more popular and arguably the most socially acceptable of reasons for people to seek professional help. There are dozens of self-help books and training courses that have helped thousands of people to inspire demoralised employees, perform confidently in front of daunting audiences and influence elegantly in board meetings. So what can a coach do that cannot be accomplished more cheaply and quickly in a workshop?

Perhaps the answer lies in coaching as a unique space to work on both sides of the dualistic nature of communication: an act that is at once intensely personal and blatantly public, based on simple rules, yet difficult to perfect. Coaching’s contribution may lie in tackling the deep roots of communication, while simultaneously working on the surface-level manifestations. To make the best of this opportunity, consider the following:

Look below the surface
Making lasting improvements requires understanding communication as a personal expression shaped by psychological and social dynamics. Listen for the assumptions that drive the way your client communicates. These may include issues of self-confidence and beliefs regarding leadership and power, cultural and socio-economic factors.

Understanding the situational factors affecting your client’s communication style can also provide insights. What circumstances affect the client’s style? What meaning do these situations have?

Make it work

  • Explore elements of the client’s communication as intentional choices, for example: “What made you raise your voice?”.
  • Address the emotional aspects of situations and look at communication as a way to cope. For example: “I can imagine presenting to the board can be stressful – is this what happens when you feel under pressure?”.
  • Ask open-ended, probing questions.
  • Try alternative, “What if?” scenarios.
  • Listen empathically.

Fatal flaws

  • Jumping to conclusions.
  • Getting stuck in interpretation mode and neglecting to get back to the
  • communication issue.

Leverage the here and now
Reflecting on communication as it happens during the session is the equivalent of taking a Polaroid snapshot development can take place in seconds. Whether the client is aware of their  communication style or not, playing back their own words is a powerful tool. Reflect back their speech descriptively and highlight the impact it had on you.

Make it work

  • Progressively ask the client to self-reflect (“How do you think what you just said affected me?”).
  • Tie the impact to a broader leadership agenda (“What effect would this have on your ability to inspire others?”).
  • Heighten the dramatic effect (“Why would anyone hearing you doubt your own ideas be convinced?”).

Fatal flaws

  • Failing to highlight positive elements, as well as areas for development.
  • Doing too much of this – this technique should be an adjunct and a springboard for further discussion, not the main topic of the session.

Focus on the listening as well as the talking
Assume communication is as much about listening as it is about talking. Although clients rarely, if ever, seek help from a coach to improve their listening, this should not stop the coach spending time on the topic. Communication failures rooted in failures to listen come in many forms, including hearing beyond what others say (“The questions from the audience felt like an attack on my credibility”), or not hearing enough and discounting the audience’s reactions. A change in the way the client listens will invariably change the way they respond.

Make it work

  • Frame the client’s communication failures in terms of a dialogue (“You heard the question from the audience as an attack, so you responded by providing more data. Then people started to leave”).
  • Challenge assumptions and interpretations, especially those that seem to pop up repeatedly.
  • Consider alternative interpretations.
  • Highlight non-verbal cues.

Fatal flaws

  • Failure to model open and empathic listening in the sessions.
  • Neglecting to encourage alternative ways of listening.

Provide tips and techniques

There are many good resources offering tips and techniques, and a coach could provide advice to help remove derailers to effective communication.

The focus should be on behaviours that can be applied to improve specific aspects of communication. These include preparation, speaking with clarity and impact, improving body language and practising relaxation techniques. As much as possible, role-play new behaviours and follow up to check for progress. It’s an added benefit if you can leverage your client’s familiarity with a psychological model they may have come across (for example, MBTI) to frame your work and to introduce new behaviours from within a context.

Make it work

  • Less is more – choose no more than one or two techniques for the client to practice in a given session.
  • Choose behaviours with the client – he or she will need to feel comfortable with them to carry them out.
  • Work on getting the new behaviour internalised as a habit, with the emphasis on sustained practice.
  • Ask the client to rate the effect of the new behaviour on the specific area, and to seek feedback from others.
  • Encourage the client to tape themselves talking or presenting and then view the tape together and discuss what can be improved

Fatal flaws

  • Failure to follow up.
  • Neglecting to take into account the client’s personality or working environment can backfire.

Further information
Eyal Pavell is a senior consultant with Personnel Decisions International in London. He specialises in leadership assessment and coaching.  www.personneldecisions.co.uk Tel 020 7487 5776

The CIPD’s Certificate and Advanced Certificate in Coaching and Mentoring are practical blended learning programmes for coaches/mentors, consultants, HR professionals and those aspiring to become highly effective coach-mentors  www.cipd.co.uk/training/ACM or CM Tel 020 8612 6202

Further reading

  • L Malandro – Say it Right the First Time, McGraw-Hill (2003)
  • D Lee and K Nelson-Neuhaus – Presentations: How to calm down, think clearly, and captivate your audience, Personnel Decisions International (2003)
  • R Bolton – People Skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others and resolve
  • conflicts, Simon & Schuster (1979)