Jane Bonbernard has moments of illumination
I have had three face-to-face sessions with my coach mentor and two with my own clients. I have read two books, written my personal learning plan, completed my 500 word proposal for my project, completed four online self assessments and attended two one-day seminars. Sounds impressive!
So what have I learned?
That I thoroughly enjoy my coaching sessions – my coach mentor, Stephen, is the role model that everyone wants to aspire to be. He is pragmatic, is directive as well as coaching me when it is appropriate and enables you to feel that you could climb Everest if you put your mind to it. He helps me challenge my limiting beliefs with regard to the academic aspects of the course with the phrase “academia is just a job like any other”.
In the course of two sessions, he has helped me challenge beliefs I had held onto since leaving school. This, along with a phrase in James Flaherty’s Coaching Evoking Excellence in Others: “How much can you set yourself free by releasing yourself from the various ways you’ve labelled yourself?”, have been like lightbulbs going on in my head.
My three clients are former colleagues and I have learnt more about them in two coaching sessions than I would have believed. Why? Because the relationship of coach and client is confidential, non-judgmental, supportive and based on the client’s agenda. I have learnt the benefits of contracting properly and how to use some coaching models to prepare my client. I am seeing my clients flourish with their discovery of how they can move forward, which feels so rewarding. So all is going well and I am certainly moving through the change curve towards acceptance.
I am sitting at my computer completing a reflection note on the coaching session I held last night when up pops an email inviting me to attend a roleplay and feedback session.
Having managed training for many years I have a healthy cynicism about the effectiveness of roleplays as they either cause individuals to freeze or to try for an Oscar! They also tend to take on a life of their own – often not providing the learning desired. However, as this was my chance to receive feedback on my coaching skills from an experienced coach mentor I bury my cynicism and prepare for the session.
My ‘client’ proved to be an exceptionally difficult individual, sent for coaching by his head of HR and not a willing participant to the meeting. Knowing that this was an assessed session I fell back on the tools of process we had been encouraged to use and tried to contract with the individual. It was not a success. I came away frustrated and whizzed back on that transition curve to angry!
But it was a beautiful day so I walked for miles reflecting on the session and how I would
handle this in real life. Well, I would never take on an unwilling client without first having a three-way meeting with the sponsor. Another aspect which reinforced my experience – never let process get in the way of trust.
A couple of weeks later I met up with two of my colleagues from the programme. They had had the same experience. This made me feel a bit better. However, the experience left us doubting ourselves and the things we still didn’t know.
So, back to the self-managed learning. It’s not easy – you have to dig deep for those reserves!
Jane BonBernard is a fellow of the CIPD and a student on the CIPD’s Certificate in Advanced Professional Practice in Senior Executive Coaching & Mentoring
Dr Henry Campion tackles his assumptions
The challenge has grown. Last time, it was just (!) the indignity of regressing in my coaching to a state of conscious incompetence.
This time, the reality of having to rebuild my coaching model begins to sink in. My existing beach-house version, extended over time with bits and pieces, is to be converted into a more substantial residence, altogether more appropriate to an executive coach.
I’m back in Kent, at the second of four, three day modules. We’ve had group supervision, and coaching triads to put learning into practice. For me, the theme has been: beware assumptions!
One way to view coaching is as an exploration of the client’s assumptions in relation to the issues at hand. We work with clients to make their assumptions explicit, test their validity, and challenge and transform false ones. To do this effectively, we must be careful not to muddy the waters by introducing our own.
This is more easily said than done. As human beings, we rely on assumptions about how the world works in order to survive. The majority operate at a subconscious level. They allow us to tackle complex activities such as driving a car, or doing our job, helping us to react to change even before we are aware of it. In the wrong context, however, they can become a barrier to understanding. To be fully present with my clients, I need to be aware of and manage them. A good place to start was our session on contracting. What does my client think coaching is about, and how does that match my approach?
How will we organise our meetings? When I agree to maintaining confidentiality, what are the caveats? What will I say to the sponsor? What if I’m working with other members of the same organisation? The initial conversation with the client can dispel assumptions. We discussed re-contracting at each meeting, and even during the meeting if, for example, sensitive material emerges.
Another key ‘assumption buster’ is an explicit coaching goal. A clear goal, once established, provides direction and drive to the session. Without one, it’s easy to slip into assuming from the conversation what the focus of the work is – and then wondering at the end what, beyond the feel good factor, has been achieved.
Then there are the questions. My preoccupation with assumptions was triggered by the issue of closed questions – effectively assumptions dressed up as questions. Now I had a chance to practise asking open questions. The feedback was that when I got it right, it made a difference, allowing me to move with my client and helping her deepen her thinking.
So what stops me getting it right all the time?
In our tutorial on Kolb’s learning cycle, I was reminded I am a theorist. And one risk for
theorists is that they generate assumptions, or hypotheses, and then test them out in their questions. This was highlighted when my triad client had a burst of energy as she shifted from thinking about her own issues to the idea of serving the wider community.
My assumption that the significance lay in the contrast between the two positions prevented me from running with the sense of purpose that had emerged. I felt this feedback sharply because, for me, purpose and meaning are at the heart of coaching. In a session about powerful interventions, we explored questions such as What do you want? What gives you a sense of fulfilment in your work? Such questions shift the focus from doing to being, tapping into the client’s moods, and the energy which drives them.
After tackling my assumptions, the next stage is to focus on how to evoke and work with that energy. Dr Henry Campion is a senior manager and a lead internal coach at the BBC. He is a qualified psychosynthesis counsellor and a student on the Academy of Executive Coaching’s Diploma in Advanced Executive Coaching